Friday, December 21, 2007

Why?

Ok...so...I was talking to myself...in my head anyways...and this is what I was saying...


(can you tell how happy he is about this pic?)
Oh Why oh why? Why is my husband on TWO anti-depressants (Effexor and Abilify)? Or rather WAS. Why is the doctor seemingly not addressing his insomnia? I do NOT understand any of this. And what's frustrating is that it appears that Hubby doesn't understand either. He's just gone along blindly accepting whatever the doctors are telling him to do and not questioning it. And because he's a big boy, I haven't tried to step in and do anything but take his word for what the doctors are telling him.
After Hubby's last appointment, the doc told him to stop taking the Abilify. So he did. Cold turkey. I thought everyone knew that you can't simply stop taking major anti-depressants without weaning off of them first, especially considering the fact that he's been taking this particular med. somewhere in the area of 3 years. Needless to say he started to experience some...well...feelings! And he started to show that he was feeling. He became more playful. Talkative. But then he also became sad. And ANGRY.
We had a big fight the other night over something reeeeeally stupid. He says I didn't give him a kiss goodnight from the night before. I have absolutely no recollection of this. He claims that I did it intentionally because I was mad at him. Yes, I was mad at him. I told him I was a little bit mad at him because earlier Sunday evening he asked me to make a decision for him and I wouldn't and he threw a bit of a temper tantrum about it. And didn't apologize. So...I was a bit miffed. Nothing over the top. I would have got over it eventually. But I'm one that tells it like it is. So I did express to him that I was still a bit mad at him over all of that. He took that and decided that I was so mad at him that I wouldn't give him a kiss goodnight. So he was upset about that. Then when he laid down to go to sleep he couldn't and part of the reason was that he was hot. He claims that somebody turned the heat up. The fact of the matter is that nobody turned it up any further than it normally is turned up (72-btw). But somehow this was unacceptable, too. There was a bunch of other petty little things too, but the point is...this is NOT like him. He does NOT let little petty things like this normally get to him.
So we're discussing his behavior a couple of days later and he informs me that he ran out of the Effexor and didn't re-fill it and had stopped taking it cold turkey as well. OH GEEEZ. No wonder! Now all of his behavior makes complete sense to me. It's not easy to deal with, but at least it make sense. I called his Neuro. Doc. when we got home and had him call us back so that he would be aware of what is going on (and to get some advice on how to deal with him). I had to leave a message, but the Doc himself did call back at 9. Geez. Why 9. After Hubby was supposed to already be in bed. He talked to Eric and told him that he couldn't just stop taking those meds. DUH! He called in a re-fill and he began taking the Effexor again this evening.
That's just a band-aid. He sees him again on the 27th. We need to figure out why he was put on these stupid medications to begin with and ask him exactly how this is helping treat his insomnia.
UGH. Ok...vent over.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Supermom Has Left the Building

Ooo. First entry? Post? Blog? I don't know. Anyways...First one. One of how many I do not know. I've never been very consistent with "journaling". I've recently become more interested in it primarily because I've read the blog of another mom who is going through what no mother should ever have to experience - the death of one of her own. Because my youngest child has recently been given a primary diagnosis of "Global Developmental Delay". I felt maybe it would be theraputic for me to "blog" my experience. Not just of his/our journey with him, but of my life in general. Which mostly consists of my children. My life is my family.

So....Supermom has left the building. That was the title of a bible devotion that I read recently. I've been called Supermom a lot recently, both in the cyber-world and IRL (in real life for those not privy to cyber-lingo). I feel that I am truly unworthy of this title. Those that have called me that have probably given me that title based on the fact that I have 5 children. And I homeschool. And my hubby has medical issues that leave me having to deal with many things without his support or involvment. And frankly, I'm probably not doing any one of those things as well as I would like. I'm often impatient. Selfish. Lazy. Whiny. Those are words that I would use to describe me. Not Super. And even as I type this, I realize that self-loathing is not a "super" quality either. Sigh. Can't win for trying. So...in an effort to not be "perfect" I'm going to quit this first entry (journal, blog, whatev..) and come back later. In one of those moments when I am tempted to talk to myself out loud.